The Big Dipper

Unless you've been living under a rock or in a cave - like a bear - there's a good chance you've heard about Pizza Hut's "Big Dipper" pizza. Basically, for those bears out there who have been living in a cave, it's a sauceless pizza that's cut into breadstick-like slices. Instead of putting pizza sauce on the pizza, they give you four little cups of warm marinara so you can have all the dipping fun you can stand. In my case, this wasn't much.

A good idea in theory. In practice? Not so much.

I don't know if their marinara and pizza sauce are the same thing, but I do know they taste different to me. That may be just because the sauce on the pizza got baked. Either way, dipping this sauceless pizza in marinara makes it taste just a little "off".

Then there's the temperature problem. The little cups of marinara get cold faster than the pizza does, so pretty soon you're dipping warm pizza breadstick things into cold sauce. Not my idea of an ideal combination.

Did I mention you get four little cups of marinara? That's great, unless you're feeding five people. Then you run into the dreaded problem of "How am I going to get the right amount of sauce on this stupid thing without double dipping?". Everyone knows that double dipping is like waging germ warfare. You just don't do it. You might as well grab a bat and bludgeon your friends and family to death if you're going to double dip. It's that bad. Everyone says so. But you have to do it if you don't want to just eat sauceless pizza breadsticks, and, let's face it, you really don't want to do that. So you watch for your chance to dip again when no one's watching, and, inevitably, someone notices and they get all upset and tell you how much of an ass you are for double dipping and everyone hears and no one wants to touch the sauce anymore. Now everyone who still wants to eat has to eat sauceless pizza breadstick things. Not that anyone has an appetite left after you got caught double dipping. They're too busy wondering how long it'll be before your germ warfare kills them. Good job. You just ruined it for everyone, you selfish jerk.

That last paragraph got a little out of hand.

Anyway, like I was saying, the Big Dipper may look like a good idea on paper, but I won't be ordering it again.

Now "House" is on, so I've got to go.